Guess what, I've finally ORDed. I haven't really talked much about my army life on my blog, but I'm really grateful and thankful to everyone which I've met throughout the last 2 years while serving in the army.

I was really fortunate to enlist into a PTP Company, and even more fortunate into Scorpion Company, famous for their Enciks aka Warrant Officers. People there were more chill, less competitive and so nice to hang out with. Platoon 1, and more specifically Section 3 was a blast. We did ridiculous things- April Fool Pranks, camping on the last day of the BPL season, more pranks, and a whole lot of other shit just to spice things up :)

And then I was posted to OCS. Life isn't a bed of roses, and it certainly wasn't the case for me. The culture was so different. I hated life there initially. It was just so difficult. But thank god, after a while, I found a group of friends which I could really rely on and act as my pillar of support. And of course, peers around me which were so inspiring and that motivated me to pull through the whole 9 months.

I got to where I wanted to after I commissioned- back to BMTC. Well, but taking on a much different role as a SME. We had our doubts initially, as we were the pioneer batch. But we soon found our purpose and roles as Instructors. It was a privilege to be posted back to School 3, my alma mater, walking past my beloved, all-too-familiar Scorpion Company. I even got to work with some of my BMT platoon mates.

The SME family was the most loving and professional bunch. The team of specialists I had really made my time there much easier. And it was an honour and joy working with each and everyone of them, albeit the problems they give me once in a bluemoon.

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And there it was, 2 years (+3 months of extended service).

This cumulative period also signified the time I spent struggling with my self, battling the relationship problems I faced (or at least I thought I faced).

I won't deny it, it started out cos I was bored and a lil desperate. But I got to know you so much more thereafter. And I haven't looked back since then.

I'm just disappointed at how things worked out. And mostly my fault. I tried to act like a normal friend to you, but I can't simply can't. I will always think that I'm better then the other guy, I can do so much more then him if only I was there with you. And when I tried to escape from this reality, I know you still wanted me as a friend. I just ran and pulled further away from you.

130614. I don't know what hit me. We haven't been talking for a long, long while. Yet, I had the urge to see you again at the airport. The same place where we parted almost 40 weeks ago. So much have changed since then, but probably one still stays the same.

Yes I know you were already attached. I shouldn't be doing this. But I'm afraid that I would never, ever see you again. Like hello, why would you even find your ex (or ex-suitor) when you are happily living with your boyfriend? It was probably my only chance of legibly seeing you.

I didn't want you to see me. What's gona happen? What are we gona talk about? This was gona be awkward. So I stood there, helplessly at a corner, like a creep; as you walked out of the arrival hall. To my surprise, you were there alone, only to be welcomed by your close friend. Neither your family nor your boyfriend was there with you.

I was really happy to see you back at home. Wearing the exact same shirt you wore when you left 40 weeks ago. I was glad that I could see you, it was more then enough.

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I told myself I would let this go, why bother with something so perfect, someone so happy?

As I'm about to embark on to the next phase of my life, I can only look back at all these with regret. Your friends might call this puppy love or childish and desperate love wanabe. But never once did I ever doubt my feelings for you.

The regret I had was that we are unable to remain as friends, or the BFF call-sign, which I acknowledged before you left.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
When part of me died will I let you go