Automatic

1 year

Sunday, July 13, 2014 @ 5:12 AM

oh great. so it's been 1 year since you met him? happy anniversary my friend.

i know i sound like sour grapes saying this, but hey. you remember those times when you rant to me about the same guy? the same guy that totally creep you out on your so called first date. the same guy that has such amazing EQ to actually use a photo as his his FB DP without your consent after going out just once. the same guy that actually asked a girl out to watch a s-league match with him on his birthday.

amazing how things have changed rite?

you barely knew him for 6 months, and you chose to get together.

like how i was talking to a friend/senior about relationships- girls become weak and vulnerable when they are overseas, cos they lack physical care and concern from their loved ones. and often seek the easy way out as long as a guy bothers to care about her.

it doesn't matter how hard i try or whatever i do. cos i can never beat someone who can be physically there for you.

i really hate you for making such a decision even after whatever i've done for you. i will never give you my blessings cos i don't think its genuine love and it will never by justified. love, is indeed blind.

but all in all, i hate myself. i hate myself for falling in love for you. i hate myself for falling so deep, that i can't even pick myself up now. i hate this feeling. i told myself i will move on, but each time i do that, i only find myself falling further back into the hole.

i'm afraid of falling in love again. it's not that i scared the same shit happens. but i'm scared that i'm the new 'her' is just a rebound to the old 'you'.

i really want to move on, but on nights like this, wave of emotions and memories just flood back into my head. and i can't help but feel a tinge of sadness.

i hope i never see 'him'. cos i might just do something crazy.

go fuck yourself.

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