holidays have been pretty flat. to be honest, it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. ohwells. but i'm thankful for friends that have accompanied me thus far. results were out yesterday, i guess I did average? can definitely be better though. and i should strive to achieve that.

okay back to the main reason why this blog is even alive - for me to rant and vent my relationship failures (lol)

i guess im really a sucker for love.

and to my bros, love is not a game.

i don't know if i should hate or thank them for my predicament now. at least now i know what she feels. but actually that was what i expected long ago. knowing it sooner is better for me, but it still hurts as fuck.

why does the same shit always happen to me. i really thought it would be different this time. But now it just feels like i'm experiencing the same vicious cycle all over again. The knife points on the exact same spot on my heart, on the verge of piercing through all the broken wounds yet again.

it hurts so much knowing that after all i've done, it is still so one-sided. is it me? my face? my body? my actions? what's wrong? why don't i fucking change.

i'm not desperate for a relationship, i just want a soulmate, a partner whom i can rely on and vice versa. is it really that difficult?

i don't know if i stand a chance anymore. i don't know if i should wait again and see how time plays and manipulates with my feelings or just move on with life, and take another long time to get over this.

end of the year never felt so sick before.